Wannabeathlete, a newlywed, writes about the questions she and her husband tackle. I am glad the author, who doesn’t usually write about race on her blog, penned this essay. It has one of the best comeback lines I’ve read for those times when strangers ask ignorant questions. Full Disclosure: I used to be her husband’s college professor. (Yes, writing that sentence just made me feel very old.) Enjoy.

By Wannabeathlete

© Wannabeathlete

People always wonder how being a mixed race couple impacts our lives. I’m happy to say that the impact is negligible – at least in my opinion. But there are a few zingers that stick out in my mind.

1. “Together or Separate?”

This bothers me to no end. Far too often when we go out to eat, we get this question when the waiter/cashier gives us our bill. HELLO. We are MARRIED. Is that so hard to believe? Now, I have been a server and I understand that this is sometimes hard to distinguish – it could be a client, a co-worker, etc. But there are some times that the question seems unwarranted. Very unwarranted in my opinion. Drives me crazy. Maybe I’m overreacting. My husband thinks I am. Oh well.

2. Our Godson

We are so lucky to have this little boy in our life. But bringing him places often raises eyebrows. People often look at me with disdain, and their look says, ‘So you got knocked up by some white guy and now this guy is taking care of your kid. Tsk tsk.” Or they see my husband running after this cute little white boy and freak out. It’s okay. He’s with us. I think it is so precious how our godson has attached himself to my husband. He calls him “Uncle Nate” and the two are inseparable. Our godson even had my husband come to his school recently for their “Father’s Day Breakfast”. Cutest thing ever.

3. “Is He Yours?”

We are not the only mixed race marriage in the family. Nate’s brother and sister-in-law are mixed as well. And they have a precious little boy. Isn’t he the cutest?

I was talking with my sister-in-law today about the blog I found and she told me about an incident she had in Target:

Just like the lady in target who asked if Malachi was mine.
I said, “He is now, I found him back there in the toys.”

This made me laugh so hard. I think the bottom line is usually ignorance – not malice. Did you know that 1 in 7 marriages are now interracial? Even though he identifies as black, the president of our country is the product of an interracial relationship. The world is changing. Slowly. But it is changing.

Is your marriage interracial? Do you have any stories to share on this topic?

Do you have a story to tell? Send it to Honeysmoke@Honeysmoke.com


6 thoughts to “Impact of Race

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  • Maritza

    I am Latina (Mexican-American) my husband is African-American. I normally experience questions, looks and stares mainly from Hispanic people. Family and friends that know me and know my husband will often look at my daughter and say things like “oh it’s good she’s not very dark” or “It’s a good thing she has your texture of hair and not like black people”. I have also experience some stares and comments from African American women, the one that stands out the most for me was the mother of my husbands kids (he has 2 kids from a previous relationship). I was a little hurt and angered by the fact that she told the boys that it was not ok to marry outside of their race. She made her opinion known to my husband and to the kids by telling them that their father was setting a bad example for them and that she will never accept anyone that is not African American. Yes, I know sad….

  • jubilee

    1 in 7 marriages ARE interracial!!! I even believe that 2/3 of American whites (‘i stress American first because America is suppose to be colorless because of the Constitution,and Bill of Rights etc) have black cousins. I think its great. My husband is Philipino and White. His sister was really upset once because of listing the non-white parts first. . But the phenotype of the kid is how they would be treated, etc. My daughter confuses the Phillipinos at school because they think shes one of them until they see me

  • Amanda

    Great post! I love the pictures too, they are beautiful.

    “I’m happy to say that the impact is negligible” I’m glad you wrote that, I feel the same way. With dining out we always get the together or separate, once I said “of course he is buying my dinner, I am his wife.” That’s totally out of my character, so yeah it only happened once.

    I’ve even asked other moms “has anyone ever asked you in your baby was ours?” One minute I have a complete stranger telling me my daughter looks like my twin and the next another stranger asking if she belongs to me. It’s doesn’t bother me but I do wonder why people feel the need to make comments. Anytime I have my nephews and nieces with us as a family we always get that sideways eye. I hope I don’t look old enough to have kids in high school. 😉

  • Nikki @ Euphoria Luv

    lmao at the “he’s mine cause I found him with the toys” comment. Good to hear the stories from other IR couples.

  • Nikki

    Luckily I haven’t experienced anything like this yet, or at least I do not recall. Beautiful families. Love the toys comment. 😉

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