A little back story: Essence magazine puts NFL Star Reggie Bush on the cover of its February issue. Black women flood Essence.com with angry comments because Bush dated Kim Kardashian, who is not black. Then, Jill Scott writes an essay for Essence, saying she winces whenever she sees a black man with a white woman. Again, black women flocked to the Website.

What’s different about the piece below is it presents a perspective I haven’t seen in comment sections on other sites.

By Luna’s Fertile Chaos

© Luna’s Fertile Chaos

Recently in a conversation about the direction of the food blog and my writing, a friend I like and trust made a comment about my being biracial and said ‘just get over it.’ Oddly enough, this person is someone who generally encourages just being yourself.

I don’t consider what I write for the faint of heart. If you don’t like it, that’s okay, it’s probably not for you. Yet I need you to understand that the above statement is exactly why I am writing about it.

In the last two issues of Essence there has been uproar about black men and white women coupling which has seriously disturbed me. As the product of such a relationship, I have been verbally bashed, talked down to and made to feel less than by the very culture of black women who demand I not be so white.

So I keep writing because I lived in silence for too many years to not speak up now. It’s my right as an American, as a human, as a woman.

As a voice.

I think it’s unjust for Black women to tell me I must choose between my white and half and my black half, yet hold me at arm’s length. If I date a black man, he only loves me because I am half white. If I date a white man I am betraying my entire race.

So many of my preferences from food to hairstyles have been shaped by the known, i.e. my family. My father’s family wanted me straight haired with makeup, they wanted me to eat soul food, marry black man and have light skinned babies. My mother’s family envied my curls and golden skin, wanted me to be less weird and not eat sushi.

You can say none of it matters. I know that isn’t true. Somewhere in the world are other little girls just like me: we never talk about culture or how it affects us, because when we do, someone, somewhere tells us to ‘just get over it.’

We cannot focus on the past and allow slave days to hold us back any longer. If a black woman chooses a non-black man, she should be loved and supported for making a choice to love freely, as well as to love and accept herself. And besides, why should black men have all the fun?

Multiracial people are the fastest growing population in the world, which speaks, plainly, for itself.

I swore when I was younger that if it was in my power, I would never, ever allow another person to feel lost, alone or as alienated as I felt. If you choose to not associate with me because I won’t stop talking about it, I feel sorry for you.

Being biracial is not who I am, still it has shaped me and many of my opinions. For too long, I never spoke about the difficulties I had growing up, about feeling alienated and alone. This is not my main platform, I agree. But if I help even one person feel better, and less alone, then my purpose here in the world has been served.

7 thoughts to “Interracial Relationships

  • b.

    I’m glad the author voiced her opinion and I agree with her — under no circumstances should she feel the need to “just get over it”. But neither should Jill Scott. In the Essence piece, Jill clearly states that she believes the merits of each person does not stem from color. She says she’s happy for her friend. For reasons based in history and played out often in the present, she (and many other Black women) also feel personally rejected. Nowhere in the article did Jill say she views interracial relationships as wrong, or bad, or negative. Rather, she gives voice to something many (not all by any means) Black women wonder… “Did he choose her because she’s not Black? Is he one more man who believes a Black woman isn’t worth loving?” These thoughts are based in a historical context, are openly voiced by some men in the present and are just as valid as Luna’s. Sometimes, it *seems* like there’s a wholesale rejection of Black women by many in society. Is that true? Not entirely, but it hurts when it seems that way. Thoughts like the ones Jill expressed do not necessarily result in wholesale rejection of interracial love and marriage.

    Personally, I wish more positive examples of love and marriage IN GENERAL pervaded our society. There’s too few images of people happily loving people of all colors.

  • Tiffany In Houston

    I follow your blog via your friend Tanya. I wrote about it today on my blog and here is the link.


    • Percola

      Thanks, and welcome to Honeysmoke.

  • Luna

    I am not asking Ms. Scott to get over it. My take on her article is a bit different.

    I am visually a black woman and thus I too have experienced rejection from men in general that that has been difficult and painful.

    Yet we have so many options now, we do not have to be led and guided by whether or not any man, black or otherwise loves us.

    Ms. Scott’s wince is indeed her own. But when you see my parents together and wince, there is trickle down. And if you are wincing, can you truly say that there is no part of you that doesn’t actively disapprove?

    With respect,


  • b.

    Thanks a bunch, Percola, for having this blog. I like the fact that I can state my opinion among what I feel are good people.

    Luna, thanks also for what you wrote back. I returned this morning to see if you responded. That you did, with respect and I appreciate your take on this. (I also like your blog…I may subscribe. 🙂 ) Your last line poses a good question. When I think about my best friend’s marriage and another good friend who is in an interracial marriage, I see happy people and it makes me happy. The tears I cried at my BFF’s wedding were all joy, just like the ones she shed at mine.

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  • Sarah Miller

    I believe that the issue Ms. Scott presses at is much more complex than what we are getting at on the blog. When a black male decides to marry a famous-by-name only female instead of a beautiful, desirable young woman in the black community, he sends a message to those women that they are somehow less desirable because of their race. Also, given the stratification among blacks and whites still present in our country today, a person in the black community marrying someone of a different race must be sure to only marry someone who can understand the problems and would be willing to help in the fight for social justice, especially given that they will probably be having biracial children.

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