Here is a Honeysmoke favorite that first appeared in 2009. Enjoy!
The dynamics of our household changed dramatically the day Simone realized she could tell on Nadia. Since then, our youngest has been accused, slandered, and blasphemed.
Simone learned the finer art of tattling in preschool. She spent a year in a class filled mostly with boys who apparently started their young lives by pushing, shoving, and stomping anyone who got in their way. As a result, Simone began all of her tattles on her sister with the word, “he.” She was so excited with this new power she could sometimes barely unleash the offense, sputtering “he, he, he” before letting us know who had played in the milk, or wrote on the wall, or whatever seemed to be going wrong in our home at the time.
It took a while, but Simone discovered her sister is indeed a she. We, meanwhile, found a way to describe her dispatches. We are the proud parents of the Simone News Network: The Most Trusted Name in Tattling.
SNN’s updates, if you want to call them that, come without notice and spare no one.
“Daddy forgot to put a swim Pull-up on Nadia.”
“Mommy passed the McDonald’s, and we had to turn around.”
“Nadia is stinky.”
Simone even marched up to her preschool teacher and said, “I need medicine because there’s something wrong with my pee.”
I can only imagine what else she is reporting to her preschool teachers.
Mommy says Daddy doesn’t listen to her.
Daddy says Mommy talks too much.
Nadia and I play with our toys when we’re supposed to be sleeping.
Simone, it turns out, is pretty accurate. When I heard about the Swim Pull-up Debacle, I asked Ken about it and he got defensive.
“Yes,” he said, “I forgot the Pull-up. She didn’t have it on for a whole 12 seconds.”
Yes, I thought to myself, but it was 12 seconds I wouldn’t have known about had I not received a report from the Simone News Network: The Most Trusted Name in Tattling.