It seems a new controversial parenting book is released every few months or so. The Sibling Effect: What the Bonds Among Brothers and Sisters Reveal About Us by Jeffrey Kluger says parents definitely choose favorites, and he has the science to back it up.

While I know from talking to some of my friends that parents do have favorites, I don’t think all parents have them. I also suspect that parents want to treat all of their children the same. It’s just they run out of money and can’t buy every kid a new car, or a child has a need the others don’t require. Or, fill-in-the-blank.

I have a younger brother. He was mama’s boy, and I was daddy’s little girl. Did either of us get more attention than the other? I don’t think so. We liked different activities and excelled in different ways. I don’t think I ever complained to my parents that he got something I did not. My brother and I were pretty tight back then. We were punished together, since we usually got in trouble together. We are three years apart and remain close. I’d like to think part of the reason is we were raised together, not differently.

We have made an effort not to pick favorites. (Ken jokes that he favors the child who is not having a meltdown or a fit or whatever their stubborn times are called.) What we do for one we do for the other. If we don’t, we will surely hear about it. That means Nadia has gotten some gifts before the box said it was age appropriate. On the flip side, Simone has had to wait a while for a gift until we knew it was safe for Nadia. Nadia does wear some of her sister’s previously loved and worn clothes, but she gets plenty of new items.

Perhaps Ken and I are still in the “crack-up” phase and don’t have time to pick favorites. We laugh a lot around here because Simone and Nadia are hilarious. The laughter helps us keep our parenting sanity.

After we’ve gone through the I’m-embarrassed-by you phase and the teen-age boy phase and whatever phase I can’t even imagine, then maybe we will have a favorite. I doubt it. I love my girls for who they are, no matter what the research says.

Weigh in. Do parents choose favorites?

3 thoughts to “Parents Choose Favorites?

  • Blanc2

    Our kids are dramatically different from one another in terms of personality, likes/dislikes, habits, skills, etc. I think this is generally the case for most parents. Thus, by necessity each child will be treated differently because each child will have different needs in terms of assisting him with his development. We try to be more or less “fair” or “even” in terms of this, but it’s like comparing apples to oranges and thus it’s impossible to tell if we actually acheive this.

    Reply
  • Blanc2

    Forgot to add that in our family our son is definitely a “mama’s boy” and our daughter is a “daddy’s little girl”. However, I think this is generally the case most of the time. Mothers tend to give their sons a lot of slack and are hard on their daughters; and vice versa. This is why children do best when they have adult authority figures of both genders. Dads know what it’s like to be a boy, and thus it’s easy for us to deal with boys. We have no understanding of the female race at all, none whatsoever. Girls/women are a complete mystery, and with our daughters we are pretty much helpless.

    Reply
    • Honeysmoke

      “Dads know what it’s like to be a boy, and thus it’s easy for us to deal with boys. We have no understanding of the female race at all, none whatsoever. Girls/women are a complete mystery, and with our daughters we are pretty much helpless.”

      We’re not that hard to read, but I see where you’re coming from. 😉

      Reply

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *