Here we go again. The publishing industry has released yet another book about the decline in black marriage. Is Marriage for White People? is in bookstores, and I do not plan to read it. I’ve already gotten the Cliff Notes version, and one of its suggestions is that black women date and ultimately marry white men. Even as someone who married a white man 10 years ago, I am growing weary of this proposal.
The suggestion is tired and simplistic. I don’t know if anyone had suggested I date a white guy before I was ready to that I would have been open to it. It’s just not realistic. We all know we can’t change anyone’s mind; a woman has to do that for herself.
That said, I feel obligated to address some of the questions/topics/issues/excuses I’ve seen for why black women may not be open to interracial relationships.
1. She is betraying black men.
Um, no. Why if someone loves a white man must it mean that she hates black men? Some of the most important people in my life are black men, including my father, brother, and a slew of uncles. There’s no way I am kicking any of them to the curb.
2. She is selling out.
If finding love and happiness is selling out, then fine, I sold out.
3. She is weakening the black family?
If you say so. It takes two people to build a family, you know.
4. But what if black women aren’t attracted to white men or white men aren’t attracted to black women?
Then keep it moving. No one is saying that a black woman spies the first white man who crosses her path and decides then and there that he is the one for her. You still have to date, get to know each other, have fun, and share common interests. Come on, people.
5. White men lack swag.
Black men do not own the patent on swagger. And since when is swagger the must-have trait in a man?
6. A white man won’t understand black hair.
Seriously? You know guys don’t care about this stuff, right? I am willing to bet many black men have no idea why their wives, girlfriends, significant others disappear during the wee hours on Saturday mornings, stay gone past lunch, come home looking good and knowing all of the neighborhood’s business.
7. The children won’t be “black enough.”
Well, I haven’t been black enough since grade school, so there. Why must there be degrees of black folk? Besides, some of us consider our children biracial, not black. Google it!